Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
