help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
