I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
