I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
