That's when you crack a 10am beer
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
