I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
