We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
