At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
