I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
