im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
