I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
