All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
