fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
