Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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