Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
