You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize