Fine. I'll sleep in my office
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
