She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
