im holly from the hills drunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
