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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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