AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
