I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize