I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize