you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
