So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
