I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
