dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
