Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
