remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
