im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
