I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
