Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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