Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
