worst night to have a conscience
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
