I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
