What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
