Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
