hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
