I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
