Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
