Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
