she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The power of my boobs compel you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
