so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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