I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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