Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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