hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
