After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
