why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
