Your face is a jimmy john
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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