Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
