My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ketchup is God's man juice
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
