One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
