call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
