he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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