My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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