carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
