The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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