Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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