how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
