Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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