i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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