Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
