Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
