I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't turn off my feet"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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