just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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