i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
